ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
