She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
