Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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