my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
