dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
