Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
