Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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