Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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