Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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