Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
