Sponge bath it is.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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