I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
