It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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