Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
