yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
