My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
