BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
