My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
