I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A bitchslap is in order.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
