I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is Oprah even human
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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