Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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