I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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