Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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