3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
