The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
