I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
