I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
