We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
