do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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