my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
