i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
