who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
