The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then my night got REAL pukey
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
