he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize