She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize