I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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