The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
