Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
