I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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