so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
A+ Viking dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
