Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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