I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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