Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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