I haven't been this sober since birth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
