I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize