It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
