I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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