He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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