just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i black out too much to be "responsible"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
