We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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