we're blogging at a bar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
