Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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