I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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