its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
