I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
