Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
