the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
