Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
