Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
