i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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