I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
