She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
