When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
