dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
