how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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