Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
