What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
