if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
