this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I want her autograph on my taint
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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