I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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