I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
