We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
