What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
