I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
