I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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