just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
