Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
