At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
