The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
