the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
