finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
