I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
