Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize